Sleep While I Drive
by Kristen R
Summary: Xander has a proposition for Willow.


Sleep While I Drive   
By Kristen

**DISCLAIMER: **All the characters and locations belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The song "Sleep While I Drive" belongs to Melissa Etheridge. Basically I own nothing here, so don't sue!

**SPOILERS: **All of Season 3

* * *

> _Come on baby let's get out of this town_   
_I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down_   
_There's a chill in my bones_   
_I don't want to be left alone_   
_So baby you can sleep while I drive_

Willow sat on the sofa as Xander paced in front of her, with boundless energy, pitching his crazy idea for them to take a road trip. Together.

"C'mon Will. It'll be great!"

"Xander—"

He wasn't even hearing her. He was so focused on his plan.

"You can just throw some stuff in a bag. I'll pack the car with junk food and good music and we can drive outta here. Can't you see it?"

The crazy thing was she could see it. So clearly in her mind. Her and Xander. Taking to the open highway in Uncle Rory's convertible. She could almost smell the diesel. Practically taste the greasy diner food. In her mind's eye were a series of vignettes, snapshots of the two of them. In front of the world's biggest ball of twine. Sitting in the world's biggest rocking chair. Sleeping underneath the stars in the desert.   
_I'll pack my bag and load up my guitar_   
_In my pocket I'll carry my harp_   
_I got some money I saved_   
_Enough to get underway_   
_And baby you can sleep while I drive_ "Xander, you know I can't."

"Give me one good reason why."

Because I don't believe you really mean it. If I go with you and you hurt me again…>

But she didn't say that. Instead, she took the easy way out.

"Oz."

He had no rebuttal. She was choosing Oz over him…again. He supposed that he deserved it. He had overlooked and ignored Willow for so long. He couldn't blame her for picking the other guy…the one who said and did all the right things. But that didn't mean it was easy. It didn't mean that it hurt any less every time she chose Oz.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I should probably go."   
_We'll go thorough Tucson up to Santa Fe_   
_And Barbara in Nashville says we're welcome to stay_   
_I'll buy you glasses in Texas a hat from New Orleans_   
_And in the morning you can tell me your dreams_ He picked up his car keys and went to the front door, prepared to leave dejected.

What else is new?>

And that's when he came to a realization. He always let it go. He always gave up and walked away miserable. Every time that Willow needed to make a choice, he just let her. He never fought for her. He never laid it all on the line. But this time he needed to. Even if she laughed. Even if she cried. Even if she told him that she didn't feel the same.

Just once he needed to say the words and have her hear them. Have her hear *him*.

He slammed the door shut and ran back into her living room. Willow was half way to the kitchen when she heard him. She turned around, surprised, a question forming on her lips. He strode over to Willow and grasped her shoulders firmly, pushing her into a chair.   


> _You know I've seen it before_   
_This mist that covers your eyes_   
_You've been looking for something_   
_That's not in your life_

"I need to say something before I leave."

"Xander—"

"Willow, please. This is important."

He knelt down in front of the chair and searched for the right words.

"This probably won't come out right but I need to try anyway. I want you to come with me. Not just because it'll be fun and we'll have a blast. Even though that's all true." He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "I *need* you to come with me. Everything's so screwed up between us, Will. You and I are like strangers. I feel that if I drive out of this town without you, we'll never be able to fix it. And I want to fix it."

"Some things can't be fixed. We hurt other people. I don't want to do that again."

"I know that. I hurt Cordelia. You hurt Oz. But worst of all, I hurt you. That was the one thing I never wanted to do. I've loved you practically all my life."

"Don't you dare—" Her voice broke.

"I screw everything up, Will. You know that better than anyone. I never told you how I felt because I never wanted to screw us up. I couldn't handle losing you."

He reached up to wipe away the tear sliding down her cheek, his thumb stroking her skin softly. _My intentions are true_   
_Won't you take me with you_   
_And baby you can sleep while I drive_ "And I was so busy trying to hide my feelings for you...to bury them and pretend they didn't exist…that I completely missed every chance I ever had to make things work with us."

Xander leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. His voice was hoarse now, sounding desperate and pleading as he covered her hands with his own.

"I know that I have no right to ask you for anything. But I am. I love you Willow. You're the most important thing in the world to me. And I'm asking…no, I'm begging for another chance. Please let me have an opportunity to make things right. To make it all up to you."

They stayed like that for a long moment. It was the most physical contact they'd had in months and neither of them were ready to break that much needed connection. _Oh is it other arms you want to hold you_   
_The stranger_   
_But lover you're free_   
_Can't you get that with me_ Willow's mind did battle with her heart for control. She loved Oz. Truly she did. The thought of breaking his heart again was almost enough to make her say no. But this was Xander. Her other half. No matter how much she loved Oz, she'd always love Xander more. And in the end was it really fair to Oz to stay with him if she viewed him as second choice?

But even that was a rationalization. What it came down to in the end was this. What did her heart say? When he asked his crazy question, what was the answer that had screamed inside of her? And when she thought of it that way…the answer was simple.

"Yes."   
_Come on baby let's get out of this town_   
_I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down_   
_If you won't take me with you_   
_I'll go before night is through_   
_And baby you can sleep while I drive_


End file.
